Tomorrow Will Be Kinder
by beautifullife92
Summary: "Tomorrow will be kinder. It's true, I've seen it before. A brighter day is coming my way. Yes, tomorrow will be kinder." Patty reflects on events that changed her life forever and leaves a letter of encouragement that no matter how hopeless it may seem, hope is always stronger than fear. *short story* *take a look!* :)


Hey everyone! This is just a short story I wrote while I was on vacation. Long car rides equal short stories ;) I'm not a serious writer but I hope you enjoy my little car ride story. I wrote it while listening to Tomorrow Will Be Kinder by The Secret Sisters(hence the title). Enjoy!

* * *

_Black clouds are behind me, I now can see ahead_  
_Often I wonder why I try hoping for an end_  
_Sorrow weighs my shoulders down_  
_And trouble haunts my mind_  
_But I know the present will not last_  
_And tomorrow will be kinder_

_Tomorrow will be kinder_  
_It's true, I've seen it before_  
_A brighter day is coming my way_  
_Yes, tomorrow will be kinder _

* * *

Memories. They remind you of the past and what once was. Sometimes it's hard to believe these past events ever happened, especially when at the same time you didn't think you'd ever make it this far. On this cool autumn day, an old memory comes to mind and I take out an old journal to recall it better. As I read over the faded pages, many emotions overcome me. A little bit of sadness, fear, anger, joy, laughter, and hope. It's a good thing though because I know that if this never happened, there's a chance I wouldn't be here today. So I guess the main thing that I'm feeling right now is gratitude.

"I'm sorry!" I exclaimed as Anton walked towards me. He'd just come back from gathering more fire wood and while he was gone, I had tripped over the water container and spilled the remainder of our fresh water supply.

A while ago, I wouldn't have been so worried about it but lately Anton has been on edge and the littlest things set him off. Maybe he's sleep deprived or underfed but whatever it is, it's changed him. He has no patience for me and though I've tried to ignore it, some of his lectures really hurt. They reminded me of my father and that's why now I kept my distance while shaking like a leaf when he approached me.

Anton gave me a questioning look then followed my gaze to the empty canister. He looked back at me with anger in his eyes and when I tried to explain, he cut me off. "I have not the time for such foolish mistakes, Patty. Do you not know the dangers we face now that the rest of the water supply is gone? Do you care? Do you care at all? I suppose not because you don't watch where you're going." He stomps off and snatches up the canister while I look away from his angry eyes, trying to stop the tears from flowing over. I'm alone, scared and hurt in more ways than one.

He sighs heavily and says, "Patty, you have to be-"

"I know, "more careful". So I've been told, repeatedly." I try to snap but my voice cracks.

His eyes soften slightly but I ignore them and before he can lecture me, I run. I run as far as I can, deeper and deeper into the woods. I hear his calls behind me but I don't listen. I don't even look back. Tears blind my vision and I don't even know where I am going. I can't believe everything turned out like this. I thought Anton was my hero and friend but I was wrong. I didn't know what I was going to do now but I couldn't stay there anymore. I was stuck with what I was running from in the first place. I don't blame him though. Everything was my fault. I put us in danger so many times and have almost blown our cover by my ignorance. I had no right to be mad at him.

My father was right. I am worthless and I will never be any good to anybody.

Finally, I stop when I come to a clearing and hear running water. Before my eyes was a bridge overlooking a river that was running at a fair speed below. I look down and thought this wouldn't be a bad way to die. A quick death. Jump and crash into the sharp rocks below. Unconscious and unable to get back to the surface. Quick, easy, away from everyone that I have tormented, the voices inside my head told me. It'll be a huge load off of Anton. He probably wouldn't even grieve. He used me, after all. He was never my friend. It was all just a part of my imagination. A fairytale.

As I climb over the edge and look down, my life flashes before my eyes. It's short, awful, boring and filled with guilt. I wasn't supposed to be here. I was a mistake. But unlike all the other mistakes, I could fix this one. Just two steps and letting go. So simple...could I do it?

Yes. Yes I can.

So I take a deep breath and with shaking hands, I let go.

Suddenly, I'm surrounded by freezing cold murkiness. I sink down deeper and deeper and for a split second, I look up and see the sun shining through the water. I think to myself, "how beautiful" and it doesn't seem to bother me that my chest is getting tighter. I welcome the pain and the darkness that begins to flood my vision. It's cold but it's peaceful. That's all I want, is for once in my life to be at peace. To not worry about being yelled at or scolded and anyone telling me that I'm not good enough. This is exactly where I want to be.

But that peace is short lived and I find myself being ripped back to the surface. I come up sputtering and being dragged by a strong current. Instinct kicks in and I begin to struggle. Terror grabs ahold of me and I fear what's going to happen.

"Patty!" I hear someone scream. I twist around and see Anton running towards me.

"An-" I try to respond but instead get a mouth full of water. I hear his screams from underneath and I desperately try to swim up. "Anton, help me!" I finally scream then am dragged back under water.

When I finally get back up, Anton is still running along the shore but he is running out of breath. "Patty, stay with me!" He cries.

I try but I myself am getting just tired. It feels like I'm in slow motion and I'll never get out. "Patty, look out!" He screams.

I look for some way out but just as I do, I'm slammed full force into something hard and sharp. Little white lights flood my vision and I almost faint but despite the pain in my head, I cling onto the rock for dear life. The force of water causing me to press into it harder. The sharp edges cut my arms and face, the pain from it unbearable. I'm shaking and bleeding and just flat out scared.

Remembering Anton, I carefully turn my head and see him looking around. Suddenly, his face lights up. "Patty, there's a log just a few feet from here. I need you to let go!"

I look at him like he's crazy. The log he's talking about is far away and there's no guarantee that the current will take me there. I shake my head and bury my face into the rock. I don't want to believe I'm here. I'm tired, cold and terrified.

I feel myself slipping away again when I hear Anton call out my name. I wearily open my eyes to see him pressed against the log. My heart nearly stops. "What are you doing?!"

He holds out his arms. "I need you to let go!"

I shake my head. "I can't!" I cry out.

Anton's face softens. "I need you to trust me, Patty. I do not want you to see you die, not here, not this way, not today."

I'm shaking and crying from the terror that won't let go of me. My skin is raw from the water and cuts from the rock. I'm exhausted. I don't think I'd have the strength to swim to him even if I wanted to. My vision begins to blur as my grip loosens from the rock.

Anton cries out my name, causing me to flinch. "Patty, please, let go of the rock. I promise I will catch you and I will never, ever let you go again." He says with determination then holds out his hand again. "Trust me, P.B."

My ears perk up at the mention of my old nickname. He hasn't called me P.B. in ages. His face shows that he's serious and I see the man that I had first met. The one who was terrified but loving and caring. I saw my friend. We exchange one more look before I close my eyes and let go.

I'm sucked down at first but I fight my way to the surface. I finally break through and frantically look for Anton. "Anton!" I scream.

"Patty, swim! Swim hard!" I hear him yell but I can't see him.

"Anton, where are you?!"

"Over here, P.B.! You're almost there!" I finally see him and he's right, I am close but my strength is fading fast.

Despite his desperate pleas, I slip underneath the cold water. Once again, I see the sun shining. I don't want to die but I'm in so much pain that I wouldn't mind it.

But I try one more time to touch the bottom and surprisingly, I actually touch it. Seizing the opportunity, I push off the ground as hard as I can and try to get to the surface. Just as I think I'm going slip back under, I feel a pair of hands grab me and snatch me up to the surface. I come up coughing and spitting up water.

I instantly try to fight to stay up but Anton keeps a firm grip on me. "I've got you." He says while dragging us to shore.

I don't know how he does it but Anton manages to hang on to the log, fight the current and get us to land. We finally arrive coughing and gasping for air. Anton is on his back with his eyes closed, trying to steady his heart. He seems to be ok besides trying to catch his breath.

I on the other hand am on my side holding my stomach and am about to pass out from the pain. I feel like a fish out of water. My breath is coming out in frightening short breaths and I'm fighting to stay awake. My body is covered in cuts and bruises and my head and ribs are throbbing.

"P.B.?" Anton says between gasps.

I can't answer. I can't catch my breath. My vision is beginning to blur again.

"Patty?" He says with more worry in his voice. He twists his head to look at me and I try but discover I can only see out of one eye. Fantastic.

"Anton,...I...can't...breath!" I finally manage to rasp out.

Anton's eyes snap open and watches me closely. He gasps then forces himself to sit up and crawl over to me. He gently flips me over and just that simple action causes so much pain that I can't help but cry out.

He continues the torture by pulling me halfway into his lap. He grabs my hand and with his other he smooth's back my hair. "Close your eyes, P.B." He whispers. I latch onto his hand then do as he says. "Your heart is beating fast because of the adrenaline and shock. We've got to get your heart rate down. Now try to focus on your breathing. Try to slow it down."

I try but my chest feels so tight and I end up coughing like crazy. "It hurts." I whimper.

He squeezes my hand. "I know but you have got to slow your breathing. Once you stop fighting, the pain will lessen." He says soothingly.

I begin to tremble violently and I can't help but cry. "I'm scared." I admit.

Anton kisses me softly on the forehead and whispers in my ear. "I am too, P.B., but we will get through this. Stay with me." I can hear the fear in his voice and feel his hands begin to shake. Knowing that he's just as scared as I am gives me this odd form of comfort. He continues whispering soothing things in my ear and slowly but surely my heart rate starts to return to normal. I focus on my breathing, doing the slow breathe in, breathe out technique with Anton. We do this for several minutes until finally everything has returned to normal.

Anton breathes out a sigh of relief and peppers my forehead and cheek with soft kisses. I open my eyes and see the dread and worry embedded deep within them. "Are you ok?" I ask hoarsely.

He caresses my cheek gently as tears run down his face. "Look at you. Mangled and beat, nearly escaping death's claws and yet you are the one asking if I am ok." He says lays his forehead on mine and cries. I feel warm tears drop on my face and his warm breath on my neck as he whispers. "You scared me so much."

I gently squeeze his hand back but all the fight in me has left and I feel so weak that I can't apologize or offer encouragement. "I'm tired." Is the last thing I whisper before sleep finally engulfs me.

My sleep isn't peaceful. It's filled with nightmares of my past. From the way my father treated me up to the way Anton treated me just before I tried to kill myself. I relived it all for the several hours that I was asleep. The last memory I had what I saw right before I was slammed into the rock. I wake up with a jolt, gasping for air. I look around and see a campfire lighting up the darkness of the forest. I panic. "Anton!" I cry out and force myself to sit up. No answer. I look around. Nothing. "Anton!" I scream this time but again there is no answer.

My mind races and goes from worry that something happened to him to fear he'd thought I was dead and left or worse, he was relieved that I was gone. I shake that last demented thought and force myself up. Pain shoots throughout my entire body, especially my right side. I whimper but walk forward, calling for Anton but I get no more than a few feet before the pain makes me so dizzy that I nearly pass out and have to grab hold of a tree. I hold onto it and am hardly able to hang on. "Anton." I whimper, tears springing to my eyes.

"Patty?" I hear a familiar voice come from the trees in front of me. Out of them appears Anton whose face is etched in concern. I let out a loud sigh of relief and run, well, limp over to him. He snaps out of his shock then hurries over to me and puts his arm me. "Slow down, what are you doing out here?"

I sniffle as I put my full weight on him, afraid that I'll fall if I let go. "I thought you'd left me." I whisper fearfully.

His eyebrows furrow together. "Why would you think such a thing? I only went to get more fire wood." He explains. My cheeks heat up a bit. I had overreacted…bad…I should've known better. When I don't answer, he gently lifts my chin up with his finger. "P.B., tell me. Why would you think such a thing?" He asks sternly.

Tears fall from my eyes and I begin tremble. "Because everyone else has." I reply quietly. "I'm sorry that you're stuck with me."

After a moment, I feel a few tears drop on to my arm. "P.B., look at me, please." I slowly lift my head up and Anton gently captures my face into my hands. He pushes the hair out of my face and tries several times to say something but finally gives up with a sigh. "We need to talk." He whispers somberly then carefully touches a spot on my face that hurts enough to make me wince. Guess I have a bruise there. Anton frowns. "But first we need to get you taken care of. I have no doubt that you are most likely in a lot of pain."

"Maybe a little." I say as I try to stand up straight and take a step forward. Big mistake. Pain shoots up my side and I gasp, then grab a hold of Anton's arm to keep me steady. "Maybe a lot." I mumble sarcastically with a smirk before he can ask if I'm ok.

Anton smiles tenderly. "At least you have not lost your sense of humor." He replies then examines something on my head. "I hate to break it to you but I'm afraid we will not get much sleep tonight. I'd like to keep an eye on your head. You hit it pretty hard and I want to make sure you don't have a concussion. I was really nervous when you passed out earlier."

"Is that bad?" I ask worriedly.

"It could be." He admits honestly. That's one thing I both love and hate about Anton. He's the most honest person I know. "But we'll hope for the best. Now that you're awake, I'm going to ask you a few questions then we can get you cleaned up and on your way to healing. But first, we must get back to the campsite."

"Ok." I say then try to walk in that direction. I try to be brave and ignore the pain that shoots up through my side but with each step, my breath grows shorter and though Anton keeps asking if I'm ok, I ignore him and try to prove that I don't need his help, that I can do it on my own. However, my body says otherwise and it has a whole other opinion and makes itself known when my vision begins to blur and I finally lose my balance and fall, landing with a huge thunk on the ground.

Anton drops everything he was carrying and rushes to my side. "Are you alright?"

"Ouch." I reply with a wince as I turn myself over.

"You have got to stop scaring me like that." He breathes a sigh of relief then helps me up. "You should not be walking anyway."

"Why not? I'm in great condition." I say sarcastically.

"You may think so but your body proves otherwise." He points out then picks me up.

"I can make it back to camp. It's not far. It's over there. Besides, you have a bunch of other stuff to carry." I protest as I see the campsite come into view.

"Then you should not make a fuss since it is so close. You are injured and you do not need to be walking. If you refuse to listen to me, then the least you could do is listen to your body. It does have a huge say in what you are capable of doing." He argues and though I huff a bit in frustration, I don't argue anymore. It is a relief to be off my feet.

Anton sets me down on a bed of grass and puts a blanket that's been warmed by the fire around me. He vows to return and comes back with not only firewood but his satchel filled with different plants. "I didn't know you were into picking flowers." I joke.

"New hobby, quite relaxing, I find it." He plays along, earning a giggle from me.

He smiles then puts the logs on the fire, making it grow hotter and larger. I scoot a little closer, thankful for the heat. I watch in fascination as Anton puts together a makeshift stove over the fire and pours water into an old pot we'd found a while ago then pours some into a cup and hands it to me then pours some of his own. He sits down next to me, waiting for the water boil then turns towards me and holds his glass up. "Here's to surviving another disaster." He cheers and I can't help but laugh.

We've been on the run for nearly a year now, facing many obstacles in our path. From outrunning the police and trying to not be noticed by different people, to trying to survive sickness and nature itself. It's hard when you're traveling on foot and have very little to take with you. The journey itself has been terrifying yet at the same time wonderful despite todays near death experience. My cheeks redden at the thought. I owed Anton a sincere apology. My decision to kill myself was irrational and foolish. I should've never done such a thing but I can't bring myself to bring up the subject right now. Instead, I focus on the plants that Anton is cutting up.

"What are those for?" I ask curiously.

"For you. They are healing herbs. They will help clean up those nasty cuts and prevent infection." He replies as he tosses the cut up plant into the boiling water.

I furrow my eyebrows together. "Don't we have a first aid kit?"

"We do, however, these plants are excellent at healing and getting the job done. They work just as good as the medicine in the kit." He explains, not looking me in the eye.

"We're low on supplies aren't we?" I ask bluntly.

He looks up and clears his throat. "Perhaps a bit but we're not in danger. I tell you the truth when it comes to the plants. Going all natural is the way to go, we just haven't come across them so far."

I nod then shift uncomfortably. Apparently I'm not allowed to move without hitting a nerve that sends pain shooting up my side. Anton notices then hands me a painkiller with a concerned look. "Here, it probably won't do much but it might take the edge off." I swallow it gratefully then look back to Anton, who I know is still worried. "What is your pain level right now?"

I wince again. "Twenty." I try to joke but my face turns into a grimace.

The worry on Anton's face deepens. "I need to take a closer look. I'm afraid you've most likely broken a few ribs."

I agree to let him examine me but then become self-conscious all the sudden and wrap my arms around my waist to keep him from pulling my shirt up. I shake my head then look away.

"Are you alright?"

I shake my head then pull my legs up to my face despite my body's protests as painful memories start flooding my mind. I close my eyes tightly and a small whimper escapes my lips. Gentle hands cuff my face and slowly lift it up. "What is it, P.B.?"

"Scars." I answer honestly as tears prick my eyes.

"Scars?" he asks bewilderedly. I give him a stern look and after a moment, his face clouds over as realization hits him. "You don't want me to see the scars from your past. Specifically scars that your father inflicted." He states.

I flinch at the truth but nod in agreement then set my head back down on my knees. Anton kneels down in front of me and grabs my hands firmly. "We all have a past, Patty and along with it comes scars and with scars come memories that are painful and unpleasant to remember. But listen carefully to me. All heroes who have fought come back with battle wounds. Your scars may never fade but they are proof that you're a fighter and though you have gone through horrific battles that no one your age should ever have to go through, you won. You escaped. You survived and every day that you're stepping forward, you are leaving your awful past behind you." He brushes my tears away with his thumb. "I promise you that you have nothing to fear. I promise to not judge your scars no matter how ugly they might be. It's in the past and right now the best thing for you is to focus on healing. Physically and spiritually."

Though I'm crying and trembling, I finally nod and say, "Ok." I don't what else to say. I trust him. Like I said, Anton has never been one to go back on his word.

He smiles tenderly then kisses my forehead softly. He then gives me instructions on what to do, helping me get into the best position possible without hurting myself too bad. When he lifts up my shirt I take a deep breath then turn away quickly. My whole torso is covered in old scars big and small, mainly caused by my father. I hear Anton gasp softly and lightly touch my skin. "Oh, Patty." His voice trembles. I let out a choked sob and he squeezes my hand. He then quietly gets to work on my side. There's big nasty bruises and cuts from where I was slammed into the rocks. He sniffles then quickly turns away to pick up a clean wet cloth to clean out the cuts. I try to be still and brave but it hurts pretty bad. He then presses my side firmly, causing me to cry out and he winces. "You definitely have a few bruised ribs, if not broken."

I grit my teeth. "It hurts like hell." I gasp then realize what I've said. "Sorry." I mutter, though I really did mean it.

"No need to apologize," he says dismissively. "Quite the appropriate words in my opinion. Broken ribs are not something to fool around with. However, it does explain your troubled breathing."

I wince again. "I figured that's what it was. I don't miss this feeling."

Anton looks up at me. "You have experienced this before?"

"Well yeah, what did you think the scars were from?" I ask incredulously. Anton's eyes grow moist and though I feel bad, I feel the need to explain further. I sigh. "It was only one time. I don't remember much but he came home really mad. He kicked me too hard, too many times. Mother was frantic but more so of him being sent to jail. So they told the doctors I'd fallen down the stairs. They believed them, of course. More so because I went along with it. What choice did I really have anyway?"

Anton struggles to find the right answer, stuttering and tripping over his words before he finally gives up. "Foolish doctors to believe such a thing." He sighs heavily then gets back to working on my side. I almost think he's mad at first but when I take a closer look, I see that his face is sad and worried. Anton only lashes out when he's angry or tired but I've noticed that when he's sad or concerned, he stays real quiet. I know that it's because of me but there's nothing that I can do because I'm just as scared, worried and sad.

The only thing that keeps my mind of the emotional pain is the physical. He whispers soft encouraging comments though I'm pretty sure he's trying to keep himself calm too. Once he's done with that, he takes the bandages that were soaked in the healing concoction and says, "I warn you now, this may sting a little."

"It's ok." I reply quietly, trying to keep my voice even.

True to his word, it does sting but not as much as I expected. However, it was enough to cause me to groan a bit. "Are you alright?" he stops.

"Yeah," I reply while letting out a small breath I'd been holding. "Your hands are just cold." I joke.

Anton grins then shakes his head as he gets back to work. "You remind me of my sister. Once, she fell from a tree she was climbing and broke her arm. Our parents were so worried but she was laughing hysterically when they helped her up. Even in the doctor's office she never lost her sense of humor." He chuckles at the memory.

I smile. "You must miss her a lot." I inquire.

Anton nods as he wraps the gauze around my torso. "Every day the longing to see her grows just a bit stronger." He answers sadly.

"You'll see her again. All of your family…you'll see them again someday." I say encouragingly.

He replies with a sad smile. "And you shall be a great reporter and or journalist and you will travel the world and tell many of your stories."

For some reason, that statement rubs me the wrong way. I grab his hand, causing him to look up in bewilderment. "Anton, I meant what I said. I wasn't saying it just to say it." I say sternly.

"Neither was I, P.B. In fact, I was quite serious." he says confusedly.

I shake my head vigorously. "You're wrong. I don't have what it takes to do any of that stuff. This war will end and you will go home to your family but I will never, ever be anything but just ordinary… Patty."

Anton goes back to finish wrapping me up. "You need to calm yourself down." he says quietly.

"No," I say stubbornly, flinching away from him. "I mean it, Anton. Don't say things you don't mean. I've already accepted it. So don't try to get my hopes up."

Anton snaps his head up towards. "Whoever said that I was getting your hopes up? I meant every word of what I said, Patty. Despite all these lies that your family has told you, you have every bit of potential to do whatever you wanted." I try to speak but he cuts me off. "But as long as we're on the subject, let's turn the situations around. How can you promise me that I will ever see my family again? How do you know they are not dead? What is stopping me from getting shot while we are on the run? Go on, tell me, P.B." He challenges but his voice isn't rude or angry, it's calm.

The fire dies down in me for I know his words are true. I stutter before I finally give up and turn away. Anton grabs my hand and gives it a firm squeeze. "But it is not completely out of the question just yet. We both have realistic dreams we are chasing after and hope will come true, P.B. That is why we are out here. There are no guarantees that we will make it but there are possibilities. How do we know of what could be if we don't continue to try?"

Tears prick at my eyes. "There's so many risks, Anton."

"I agree with you," he nods. "However, we are ones who have been known to take great risks. You, yourself for example. A Jew rescuing a Nazi soldier is not something every young girl is doing something these days. But you took a risk and you saw me for who I was and not what I appeared to be. That is one of the many special things that I love about you, P.B. You showed me who I was and who I could be. You gave me the courage to keep on going. You have no idea how close I was to giving up. Even if you don't become a reporter or journalist, you are a heroine in so many ways than one. It is very rare to run into people like you but I am extremely grateful that I did and in return, I want to help you accomplish your dreams and help you be all that you can be." His encouragement brings more tears to my eyes.

"And I repay you by jumping off a bridge." I reply guiltily as he pulls down my shirt then wrings the wash cloth out and lays it out to dry.

"I was asking for it." He whispers as he gently starts cleaning the cuts on my face. "I should've never taken my anger out on you, especially considering your history of all the abuse that you've already had to endure."

"It's my fault. I shouldn't have been so annoying and I should've watched where I was going." I mumble, trying not wince.

Anton sighs. "It wasn't you, P.B. and even if it was, I was raised better than to take it out on a twelve year old." He says regretfully.

"You were under a lot of pressure, Anton. Don't worry about it." I try to defend him. I hate it when he blames himself. "Besides, I'm not twelve anymore."

He stops what he's doing. "You are not?"

I shake my head. "I'm thirteen. My birthday was two months ago."

Anton drops his hand. "How was I not aware of this? Did you tell me?" He asks.

I shrug. "I didn't tell you because it wasn't important."

"Of course it's important, Patty. We should have celebrated!"

"Anton, we were running for our lives," I argue. "That was the day we almost got caught on that train on our way to Tennessee. It seemed like a bad time to bring it up."

"P.B.", he says sternly. "You had plenty of time before and after to warn me. Everything was going fine until then and that didn't even happen until later in the evening that day." I look away, avoiding his gaze.

"Like I said, it wasn't relevant." I say dismissively.

"Of course it was-"

"Just drop it, ok?!" I snap.

Anton sits back and crosses his arms. "No." he says stubbornly. "I really am interested."

"Why?" I ask rudely. "It's just a birthday."

"Oh and Americans do not celebrate birthdays?" he asks sarcastically with a smirk. I shoot him a glare which makes him chuckle. "Tell me, P.B."

I remain silent as I debate telling him. I might as well or else I knew he wouldn't drop the subject. "It's been so long since I celebrated my birthday that I haven't really paid attention to it any more. It just isn't a big deal to me."

Anton's expression turns sad then shakes his head as he dips the cloth in more herbs. "It'll never cease to disgust me how a family could treat their child in such a way." He whispers sadly as he cleans my face.

"It's not a big deal, Anton. They've hurt me way worse than that." Anton winces. "Sorry."

He shakes his head. "Don't apologize for their actions, P.B. It just clarifies the reason why you are here and that I did the right thing."

I bite my lip and close my eyes but it has nothing to do with the pain. My hands grab Anton's, forcing him to pause. I can almost see his questioning look. "Why did you save me?"

"I told you. I wouldn't dare leave you with those people you call-"

"That's not what I mean." I interrupt. "Why did you save me from the river? You've heard story after story about the way people have treated me. You've seen how it's destroyed me in more ways than I can even think of. It would've been so easy to just let me drown right then and let it be over with. I wouldn't have to live with it." I knew I sounded demented but I couldn't help it. I needed to know.

Anton sighs then gently caresses my cheek with one hand. "I could give you reason after reason. One of them being that I knew the reason you jumped was because you've been hurt various times by many people including myself. Another being that you're an extraordinary young woman. But honestly, P.B, it's because I love you."

My eyes snap up. Did I hear that right? "You love me?" I ask skeptically.

Anton smiles tenderly as he runs his thumb lightly over my cheek. "I do. In more ways than one." He confesses.

Tears fall from eyes as I hear these foreign words. I close my eyes as I try to remember my parents saying they loved me. I can't remember. Besides Ruth, Anton is the only one who has ever cared for me. At first, I thought it was pity or that he felt like he owed me because I saved him. But now…I'm not completely sure why but the only way I can explain it is that that's just the kind of person Anton is.

As I'm thinking about this in my silence, I feel a lite finger lift up my chin. I look up to see tears in Anton's eyes and an expression on his face that's so sad that it makes my heart ache. "It was never my intention to make you feel unloved, to treat you the way that I did. This," he motions towards my bruised and battered side, "was the result of being so tired of being wounded and I should've seen that. I should've never abused you with such hateful and rude remarks, even if they weren't directed at you. I know it was my words that pushed you off that bridge but please know that I strongly care for you and that I never meant to hurt you. Please forgive me, P.B."

The sincerity in his voice is enough to break me down into sobs and suddenly, without thinking, I find that despite the pain in ribs, I throw myself into Anton arms and wrap my own around his waist. He holds me while I cry, rocking me back and forth and whispering that he's sorry. Those words by themselves are enough to heal the wounds he caused. Some people hold grudges but not me. When someone genuinely asks for forgiveness, you grant them that much. Not just for them but for yourself.

Long after my tears have ceased, I stay in Anton's arms, thinking about my life. I wonder how it is that I turned out the way I did. How did I manage to not turn out like my parents? Was it because I've always been sort of a rebel anyways? Or was it just by the grace of God that I saw things differently? I don't know but I wouldn't change it because even though I'm in a lot of pain right now, it won't last. I don't regret being here because I'm with Anton, my best friend and teacher. "I forgive you." I finally whisper into his chest.

"You can take your time. I know I've hurt you a lot." He replies guiltily as he strokes my hair.

I shrug in his arms. "You know, if my father had said what you just said, I'd forgive him. It'd be hard at first but I would. To hear him say he loved me and that he was sorry, that's all it would take because its something I've always wanted, even more than toys or the best dinner. But I've come to the realization that it'll never happen. It's just…wishful thinking." Maybe its because I'm tired but I surprise myself with how open I'm being. Usually, I'm a locked up box, covering my true feelings with humor and tall tales and daydreaming but I don't feel like I have to do that with Anton. "But you're my best friend. Sometimes best friends fight and hurt each other but they also forgive. That's what keeps them strong." I tighten my grasp around Anton's waist. "I love you, Anton." I whisper, not caring that my childlike voice is very evident.

Anton kisses me softly on top of my head. "You are wise beyond your years, my friend." He says softly then slowly pries my arms off of him. "I am grateful to have you along on this journey. True, it is dangerous but I have a feeling it'll be worth it and the greatest part about it is that I get the privilege of seeing you grow into a great young woman who will do amazing things."

Despite the doubt that tries to creep into my thoughts, I find the strength to believe him. "How will we know if we don't try?"

"Precisely." He says softly with a smile and a loving tap on my nose.

We spend the rest of the night talking, sharing our good memories and bad, laughing at the right moments and comforting each other through the hard ones. We learn a lot about each other which helps understand why and how we are. We learn a lot about our families, more so Anton's since he already knows about mine. It's both fascinating and sad to hear about his life back in Germany. Even if he does go back, we both know it won't be the same. Friends and even some family will most likely be lost, the country war torn and left in ashes. Anton confesses this fear to me and though I hope for the best, there are no right words for me to say. The only thing I can do is be there for him as he's been for me.

When dawn finally makes its appearance, we watch the sunrise which is more beautiful than I could ever imagine. I rest comfortably in Anton's arms, despite the slight discomfort in my ribs and start to doze off before I remember I can't sleep. I give Anton a sleepy look which he understands and after he asks me a few questions and gives me a quick looking over, he says that despite the huge bruise on my temple and my black eye, my head injury didn't look too severe. "I'm tired." I reply sleepily.

Anton smiles sympathetically as he pulls me into his arms once again and I lay my head against his chest. "Sleep now, dear friend and perhaps tomorrow will be kinder." He whispers softly into my ear.

Those were the last words I remember him saying before I fell asleep. As I look back on that day and night, I can't help but feeling thankful. Although jumping off a bridge is something I wish I hadn't done, I am thankful that my life was spared because if it hadn't, well, I wouldn't be sitting here fifteen years later in my office recalling all these events. That's right, my dream came true, with the help of Anton and other friends of course.

Two years after my accident, we found a small town in Virginia that we settled in. Though we were both hesitant, we made friends with the locals that took us in right away. We never revealed who we were truly were, deciding it was safer that way. To get me in school, Anton told the principal that we were brother and sister, orphaned due to our parents being killed in an accident. They didn't question our story but it took a few months for Anton and I to be at ease. We feared constantly that something on us would come up, a news article or something. We were always ready to run if we had to. But by the grace of God, no one really questioned us. We were able to find a small abandoned cabin that a widow sold to us. It wasn't much but it was home. We finally relaxed about a year later. I did well in school, Anton found work helping at a local clinic and we settled into a routine. We had good times and bad. A few bad arguments due to my hormonal sixteen year old rebellious self. That wasn't a fun time period, especially when I brought home my first boyfriend. That wasn't fun at all. Anton disapproved right away but of course I was convinced that he was the one for me. That went well for about two months before he dumped me. I expected it to be embarrassing and awkward when I told Anton but all he did was hold me as I cried.

Fast forward two years to my graduation, Anton and a few others cheered me on. I got my first job at a clothing store which I worked at for about a year while attending college, majoring in journalism. It was a busy and somewhat frustrating year for me but Anton pushed me to accomplishment. Though I hated him in the moment, I'm thankful now because otherwise, a few years down the road I wouldn't have the job I have now. I'm a journalist for the New York Times. Too good to be true? I thought so too, especially when the job was offered to me. At first, I worked for the local newspaper in town, writing small columns at first then working my way up. I loved to write, I found the one thing that I was actually talented at. Sometimes at work it was hectic but I was and still am really thankful. When I got the job, I was ecstatic. I ran all the way through town just to tell him. I remember how happy he was, so happy that literally dropped everything and spun me around the office. We got a few curious looks but we didn't care. It was a time of celebration that went on for several days. Did I mention it was right before my twenty second birthday?

Once my dream came true, I knew there was only one more thing to be down and that was for Anton's dream to come true. So after avoiding the subject for so long, I brought up the subject to him. He was surprised but then finally admitted that he had already contacted them several weeks back. Everyone in his family was alive and they were still recovering from the war. It was a huge relief to hear but when I questioned him on why he hid that information from me, he admitted that he was afraid to leave me. Of course, that didn't go over well with me. I lectured him that this was what we fought for, to accomplish our dreams and that is was his turn. So eventually, I had to let my best friend go and it was probably the hardest thing that I've ever had to do. You see, you don't go through what we did and just have a normal friendship. No, no matter how far we pushed our feelings away, there was no denying that they were there. When Anton finally got his plane ticket to go back to Germany, I felt like my heart had ripped in two. I didn't want him to go but I didn't want to hold him back from his dreams. I owed him a lot more than that. So with a heavy heart, I drove him to the airport and escorted him all the way down the hall. When we finally faced each other, our time together flash before my eyes. It was a little ugly but the beauty of it shown much, much brighter and a huge part of me was sad that it was over. I was speechless and every time I tried to speak my throat closed up.

Anton took my face into his hands and said, "You still cry noisier than I."

I tried to laugh but it turned into a choked sob. So instead of saying anything, I got on my tippy toes and gave him the most heartfelt kiss I could offer. He returned it with just as much passion and love then pulled me into his arms one last time before his boarding number was called. We exchanged our final "I love you's" and then that was it. I was left to drive home alone and later on, cry myself to sleep.

Two years later of sleepless night and endless letters brings me to here in my office, shutting my journal that recorded my life's events from when I was eleven to fourteen. I continued packing my other journal and pen that Anton gave me for my seventeenth birthday. A note in elegant writing on the first page that says, "Never give up on your dreams." I smile as I remember this has been and always will be our saying that's gotten us through the hardest times. I asked Anton shortly after I landed my job what I was to do next now that I was doing what I loved. He said, "Now it's time to chase after your next dream," which is what I am doing now. I have my boss to thank for this, for I have been sent on an assignment to do a follow up on the aftermath of the war in Germany and the city I'm stationed in just happens to be the exact city that Anton and his family are living in. I was shocked to say the least but when I asked my boss about it, she just winked at me and smiled.

So here I am, packing my things up and getting ready for my next adventure. The last thing to go is a framed picture of Anton and I taken just outside the office. It's my favorite picture of us because we're both grinning ear to ear, beaming with happiness as we celebrated. Next to it is a recent picture of Anton and his family, taken shortly after their reunion. These pictures make me tear up because it's evidence that despite our ugly past, we overcame it and achieved the impossible. I keep the frames but take out the pictures and fold them neatly into my purse. I want to keep them on me as I continue to travel. I want to show people that anything is possible. I want to remind them that they have a purpose greater than they could ever imagine, that amazing things can come up from ashes. I'm living proof of that.

Along with the pictures, I keep a few copies of a letter I wrote just in case someone needs it.

To Whom It May Concern,  
I leave you with this. Never, ever give up on your dreams, no matter how hopeless it may seem. No matter how many people tell you that you can't do it, do it anyway. Life can be heartbreaking and ugly but it's also beautiful. How can you find a diamond if you don't clear away all the rock and dirt first? How will people know you're a conquer if you don't show them your scars? How will you know your dreams are impossible if you don't try? I say this because I know. My past is terrible and sure I have plenty of scars but they have a purpose, as do yours. They tell a story of hope. A hope that says, "Perhaps tomorrow will be kinder." And even if it isn't, that doesn't mean the day after won't be. Hope is the only thing stronger than fear, so let it overcome your past and doubts and carry you into the next day. Accomplish your dreams and then chase after the next one.

With hope and love,  
Patricia Reiker


End file.
